ON LOVE AND MARRIAGE!

"You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be
miserable, or get married and wish you were dead."

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with
friends. You order what you want; then, when you see what
the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you
wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other
woman replied, "Yes, I am.  I married the wrong man."

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was
a fool when I married you."  She replied, "Yes dear, but you see,
I was in love and didn't notice."

A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted".
The next day she received a hundred letters. They all said
the same thing: "You can have mine."

The bride, upon getting engaged, went to her mother and said,
"I've found a man just like father!"  Her mother replied, "So what
do you want from me, sympathy?"

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge
than to let her keep him.

"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest?
They cheat in Europe."

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

A little boy asked his father, ''Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?''  And the father replied, ''I don't know son, I'm still
paying.''

The Young Son says to his dad, ''Is it true, Dad, that in some
parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?''
The father replied, ''That happens in every country, son.''

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real
happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late."

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband
a millionaire."  "And what was he before you married him?"
asked the friend.  The woman replied, "A billionaire."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
A Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to
every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Just think ... if it weren't for marriage, men would go through
life thinking they had no faults at all.

During a heated spat over finances the husband said, "Well,
if you'd learn to cook and were willing to clean this place,
we could fire the maid."  The wife, fuming, shot back, "Oh yeah?
If you'd learn how to make love, we could fire the chauffeur
and the gardener!"

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way
to get your laundry done for free.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is
to forget it once.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing
your parachute.

The First guy proudly says to his friend, "My wife's an angel!"
The Second guy answers, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."